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yeah im bitching about life so what   
11:53pm 23/07/2007
 
mood: disappointed
music: never gunna change~ salive

WOW.. i haven't written on here in a long time. Its almost been a year.  Whiteny was looking hers over tonight, so i thought well hell i havent been on in a long time why not. I also came to realize i dont have hardly any friends on here, which is kinda guy. 

Life is suckin pretty bad right now.   I just wish i could make it all better somehow.  Its really hard to not be with jesse because my life was planned. i was getting married i knew what i wanted to do with my life. i knew how many kids i wanted and when i wanted them,  I knew everything. and then now its just gone. i dont even know me any more. You know how you are with someone so long, you grow together and you become a part of one another, well when that person is gone you lose half of yourself.

On to different problems..... i keep letting good things slip through my fingers, because im scared of everything and its driving me crazy.  Everytime i think or i do find a good guy i find an excuse not to let them get close to me but i let the assholes break my heart.  I keep saying i want to find a nice guy, someone that will appriciate me and let me love them and them love me. I dont want much i just want love, but when those chances come up i let them go.  its really pissing me off.

I hate the guys that act like nice guys and act like they want to be with you and then try to do shit with you and after you say no they want nothing more to do with you. yeah FUCKING DICK you cared.

 
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GOOD WEEKEND   
01:31pm 23/10/2006
 
mood: bouncy
music: far away by nickel back
well i had a great weekend with jesse.  NO FIGHTING took place.  we were having this little issue where he only wanted to do the this he wanted to do. and not anything i wanted to do. well this weekend he went to my cousins with me and guess what he actually had a lot of fun just like i told him he would. so it makes me really happy that he is actually starting to try. 		 
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alot on my mind   
06:20pm 11/10/2006
 
mood: worried
music: my love justin timberlake
there is alot on my mind that i really can not discuss with you on here, but i can talk about some of it

im a lil worried about school

today was mid terms which means im half way done with this semester.

do you ever just want to talk to someone but you cant.. thats kinda how i feel.

im afraid i have made one of my best friends in the whole entire world incredibly mad at me.

im sick of working.. i love my job but i hate working.

im tired of always being bored.

i want some of the people i use to hang out with back in my life. 

i wish there was more time in the day.

i wish i had more time for my friends.

i wish i made more money.

i wish i was back in high school i dont wanna get old.

i wish life was easier.

well i guess i have bitched enough to everyone.. but i told you i had alot on my mind.  

ohh yeah and i DONT WANNA FUCKING DIE.. 		 
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Finally got what i really want   
01:35pm 04/10/2006
 
mood: satisfied
music: dont want to fight nomore jon Young

 Well me and jesse are back together and even though i was trying to get over him all i really wanted was for us to be  together.  He is moving back in and we are going to start look for an apartment for the two of us and i cant wait.  i feel like my like is pulling back together and i feel like i have a little control over everything now..i love jesse more than anything

  
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patiently waiting for you   
05:59pm 17/09/2006
 
mood: anxious
music: stain "its been a while"

so i dont think i could be happier right now.. GOD is on my side this week.. most deffinately. I get to see a certain someone here is a few days and the days feel like they are going by so slpwly and i hate it.  Im finally happy with everything that has happened and i realized it is a good thing and not a bad thing at all.. im glad all the stuff that was said about me was said even though it wasnt true.. and im glad jesse is gone.. so glad.  My life feels so right right now.  and it will be even better next june when "( you ) are home for good and hopefully you stay.. please dont leave again.. most of the time we have known each other you have been gone"

  
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So Im sorry about that night..   
11:30pm 30/08/2006
 
mood: crushed
music: broken by seether
well i kno i told you that i was sorry and i really meant it i dont wanna fuck anything up for you. So that adds to all the shit that makes me feel like shit and sometimes im not sure i like the person i am cuz i sit back and think what if that was me and someone just didnt give a shit about me and what i was gunna feel about it, im sorry we were even in that position..i do love ya tho and always will

so sometimes i think im going to be ok.. and i feel like everything is going so good and then i fall apart and it sucks cuz i just have to pick myself back up again.. and i feel like im just starting over each time i fall..

im gunna ruin good things for my self.. and i dont wanna but i guess if your heart isn't where your head is it will never work and that is beyond my control..		  
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10:06pm 22/08/2006
 
mood: numb
music: i love you i hate you ~ saliva
         " i feel so much better now that your gone forever.. im not lying or denying"

well i started school monday.. i like so far and i think im gunna have fun meeting new people.  it was a little scary so much different from high school.. but that is a good thing.

" go ahead fuck up, im gunna sit here and watch and not stick around long enough to help you.. you didnt want it when i offered"		  
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what if i never love   
06:26pm 20/08/2006
 
mood: lonely
music: gone forever ~three days grace
what if i will never be able to get close to anyone.. i feel that way sometimes.. and it reminds me of one of my friends.  that person has that same problem..its kinda scary..the past two weeks have been different.. ive had fun but i dont feel right.. nothing does.. i start school tommorrow.. im very excited about that.. 

"i hope you see that im gone FOREVER.. its clear to me that i dont need you.. 
your gone forever and im gone forever"		  
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FALLING APART   
05:05am 07/08/2006
 
mood: exhausted
music: angles and airwaves~ it hurts
my world is falling apart piece by piece.. where did everything go wrong.. i used to be everything to you and you were everything to me.. life was really good.. i miss you i wont lie.. things are not the same and i want it back but how? how do things go back when they are so fucked up.. can it?.. has it crossed your mind that i was put here to love you.. i would give you anything.. why cant i just be happy? 



  
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09:39pm 26/07/2006
 
mood: disappointed
music: stained " its been a while"
what to think anymore  i really dont know.. im just a little down.  Sometimes i do shit im really not proud of and i wish i could take it back.... and its all just little things that everyone else would say was no big deal.  

Why do people change? i hate it. seems like eveyone i thought i knew, i really didnt turns out there was a lot i didnt kno.. im glad i at least have one best friend ( jesse) that i know everything about.  when i was little things were so easy, nobody worried and did half the stuff they do now..it really makes me sad..

sometimes i wish i could just sit in my room forever and be in my own little world it would be great, there is no one to worry and i dont have to deal with anything about life, cuz what it all comes down to is life fucking sucks.. just when you think its going to get good someone has to fucking ruin it..		  
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not so obvious words   
10:46pm 18/07/2006
 
mood: confused
music: fall out boy.. sugar we're going down
i miss my best friend mikey.. mikey if you read this ... i want you to know how much you mean to me ... your the best and i couldnt ask for a better friend your always there to listen and give me advice on anything..im sorry so much has changed.. we use to be together like everyday..

life is really confusing sometimes..

"AM I REALLY THAT COMPLICATED?.."

so on to the next topic and i dont kno how to put this in words without making obvious..I MISS CERTAIN PEOPLE AND I WISH I COULD HAVE THEM IN MY LIFE ALL THE TIME..today was a really good day... everything went just right
        
  
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01:18pm 18/07/2006
 
mood: blank
music: panic at the disco
everything is pretty good now.. except im working at the pool alot and im kinda getting tired of it.. i like my job but i work all the time..i miss my friends i dont see any of them enough.

" I WONT FORGET NO MATTER WHAT, It wasnt about that"		  
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oneluckygurl317
 
 

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